I’m not speaking from a position of authority and I’m certainly not advising anyone on how to maintain a strong relationship, but my husband and I seem to be on to a good thing right now. Obviously, that could change at any moment. Probably by the time I’ve reached the end of this post in fact. After all this time I think I may have figured out what makes our relationship work. Our favourite thing to say to each other is: ‘Don’t be a d**k.’
It probably won’t be the title of the next Richard Curtis movie starring Hugh Grant (or maybe it will???) but it works for us. When I irritate him he tells me: ‘You’re being a dick!’ Always delivered with a smile and a laugh so it makes me giggle and realise that maybe, just maybe, I’m being a bit difficult. It’s a two way street. I tell him the same frequently. Almost as much as we say ‘I love you.’ ‘Stop/you’re being/don’t be a dick’ may well be the reason that we’re still married.
After 8 years we’re still having fun together. Now, I write this with hesitation as I’m starting to sound like a cocky madam and I keep thinking about the celebrity who wrote about the secrets of a happy family just before the story broke that her husband had been sexting a topless model for the previous four months. I suspect that my husband has limited access to topless models, but, y’know, I don’t want to jinx it or anything.
Right now he is watching a sci-fi movie. I really don’t appreciate sci-fi but he tried to convince me that I would enjoy it as it has an actor that I quite like. It’s a LIE. We both know it. He was just trying to find an angle to sell it to me. The way I see it, we have to compromise. This time has been noted down (and documented in this post) for the day that he got his own way. He now owes me. It’s a satisfying feeling. I could call in that favour at any moment of my choosing and he will have no choice but to obey my wishes because I had to sit through this frickin’ dull sci-fi tripe for almost 3 hours. What shall I make him do? It could be ANYTHING. (The sad reality is that I’ll probably just make him watch an episode of the Kardashians and buy me a Toffee Crisp.)
Like lots of other people, we have regular date nights. Luckily my parents have the girlies overnight occasionally so that hubby and I can go out and have fun like we did pre-twins. Even though we have a hoot, he still gets on my nerves. He doesn’t always recognise how hilarious I’m being and he often complains about my “moaning”. (I don’t think I “moan”, I am simply “telling him about my day”.)
When the girlies were about 4 months old we were bickering about something and it quickly spiralled into shrieking at each other. Not something we usually do, but it’s quite intense when you have two small needy babies. Once we had both run out of energy (which didn’t take long) I said ‘Ooh, it felt so good to yell.’ It did. He agreed. We were both so sleep deprived and exhausted we needed to scream about nothing in particular to vent our frustrations. We could then move on. Thinking about how exhilarating it was to yell at him is making me want to yell at him right now. Well, it’s either that or the stupid bloody sci-fi movie he’s making me watch.
Note: I guess that my marriage guidance advice would be to call each other dicks and have the occasional screaming fit. Mmm…are you thinking the same thing as me? Yep – I smell a book deal in the air. 🙂