No matter what it is, I will always choose the ‘stress-free’ option. However, ‘going on holiday with 16 month old twins’ and ‘stress-free’ don’t go very well in the same sentence – unless of course you add the words ‘will definitely NOT be’ in the middle.
There’s a bird-feeder in our garden that was left by the previous owner. Mr. TMAOT (Just realised that the abbreviation of ‘Twin Mum Amongst Other Things’ almost looks sweary and is just one ‘O’ away from a ‘tomato’ anagram. Hmmmmm, anyway…). So, my husband, he decided to fill the feeder with bird seed. The girlies can then see all of the cutie wutie birdies from their baby cage*. How lovely.
Heat Magazine is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s trashy and trivial and I should know better. (I’m 35 for Christ’s sake!) But it takes me to a faraway (shallow) place where it MATTERS if Kendall has had a boob job or not. On the last page of every issue you will find a celebrity who “Fills in the blanks.” For my own amusement, I thought I would answer the set questions based on what my twins would say if they could…
It’s Tuesday today. Tuesdays suck. It’s still ages away from the weekend (when the ratio of adults to babies is more balanced) and Mr TMAOT is out “working” tonight. You’d be forgiven for thinking that work might mean ‘exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something,’ but in this particular case it means eating at a fancy pants restaurant (whilst I microwave myself a sad little frozen ready meal), drinking expensive red wine (fizzy pop for me) and talking about things he loves to people he likes (I’ll be mostly watching old episodes of the Kardashians). *Blows raspberry*.
This little piggy went to…
Peter Pan’s Playground. It was the hottest day of the year so I popped the girlies in their swimsuits and off we went. (We all know it was far more hassle than that, but let’s pretend for the sake of the story…) They crawled around, constantly removed their hats and even (surprisingly) enjoyed being sprayed by the water jets. A wonderful time was had by all. The end. Ha! They are toddlers, of course that wasn’t the end…
Annabel Karmel, you make my life hard. As a Mum, not only am I meant to be devoted to my little people with no regard for my own sanity, but I am also expected to cook; to a decent level no less. Every week I peruse the recipes on the ‘Made for Mums’ website to get inspiration for what I am going to batch cook that week for everyone in the house. Every week results in a different style of disaster. This week is fish pie.
During pregnancy I gained THREE whole stone. Imagine how much I would have weighed if the girlies had gone to full term! My thinking is that it takes 9 months (well, 7) to get that big, so I’ll give myself 9 months to get back to my normal body shape. Yep. Good plan. Only the girlies are 18 months old now, my tummy still needs toning and it *might* not help that I am currently eating a ‘Nutella & Go’. (Quite nice actually – like the old ‘Choc Dips’.)
If I wrote a list of things that are awesome it would definitely look something like this: Prosecco, the girlies, Toffee Crisps, weddings, horror movies from the 80’s and ‘Modern Family’. You may have noticed that Prosecco comes before my daughters. This is deliberate. I know at some point in the future I will be disappointed to find myself very low on a list of ‘Things I love’. Probably above ‘Daddy’ but below ‘Sausages’.
Dear Gumtree W**ker,
Do you recall how we emailed all week about my fridge? Remember when you said you would be here at 10.00am? Are you aware that when you do tw**ty things like NOT SHOWING UP, it effects other people? You wouldn’t know this, but my husband has been away for work all week. That means I have had a frazzled brain and the aura of a woman ON THE EDGE for the previous six days from looking after 1 year old twins by myself. To be frank, you’re lucky that I don’t have the energy to hunt you down and make you PAY for making me unnecessarily prepare for your arrival (and the fridge for that matter – I was looking forward to getting a bit of space back in my garage and forty quid in my pocket). Because of you Gumtree W**ker, this is how my morning went:
*Puts on X Factor voice* “Introducing the show-stopping, jaw-dropping awe-inspiring….Great POOOOOOO-DINI! You will be astounded that she can remove her pyjama bottoms without removing her sleeping bag! You will gasp as she wriggles and jives to free her legs! You will be entranced when you realise that she escaped from her nappy. Your feeling of delight at these amazing feats will quickly disappear when you discover in the bottom of the sleeping bag…a big squashed poo. A round of applause for the Great Poo-dini! Now that’s magic!” (Except it’s a horrific reality for me.)